After 3 years I finely finished Half Life 2, I’ve discovered that I really love the character Gordon Freeman from the game he’s on par with my obsession with Dr. House.
I go to the movie theater tomorrow to prove that I have the right to work. I hopefully will get my work schedule as well. I’m looking forward to employment I owe a lot of people a lot of money.
My Dad quasi offered to help pay for me to go to Europe for the summer, I told him that I wouldn’t have the money to do something like that this year because of all my debt. I might plan to go next year once I get some cash saved up. Traveling has always been a sensitive subject for me, when I graduated from high school I was encouraged to go backpacking though Europe for a summer, I don’t think anyone told my family that you don’t just show up at the airport and ask to go to Europe because they kept trying to encourage me to go and I had no money. I was also supposed to receive my Eagle Scout ring after graduation but that too has faded into the dark pit of “things Kyle will have to pay for himself”. Those two things always make me angry when I think about them so I try to not bring them up. I get angry on a few different levels with this kind of thing. On the travel thing I find it silly that I still harbor this deep seated resentment towards my family for traveling to Australia, New Zealand, and China without me, I get angry not only at the situation but also at myself for letting this go on for so long. The other thing that tacks on to my anger of traveling is that when I told my mother about wanting to go to World Youth Day in Australia this summer she just mocked me and told me that she wouldn’t help me at all with anything church related, I wonder what she would say if I had wanted to go to England with an Episcopalian church group a little part of me hopes she would tell me no as well. I don’t like to harbor grudges like this ageist anyone, but most especially my own family.
I believe that even if my family offered to pay for me to travel or to buy my eagle scout ring for me that I would politely have to refuse both gifts. I’ve accepted that the only way I’m going to get what I want is to work hard and pay for it myself. My sisters will have things handed to them, like cars, money, travel, and other gifts. But I will have to work; this kind of gifting is something that I no longer long for. After I ran out of money when I lived down south I slowly started detaching myself from worldly goods. I no longer have this drive to get a new car like my friends, or to get a new computer, or trips abroad. I’ve accepted that unlike all of them I will have to move forward and work for my own rewards. Many of my friends receive gifts like new cars or amazing trips abroad after they graduate college, when I graduate from college (slated to walk in 2014) I know that I won’t receive anything and I’m ok with that. I want to take less and less from my parents, I hate taking their money. My parents put me on an allowance each week while I’m unemployed. Accepting there money is one of the hardest things for me to do every time I do I get angry at myself for having to take there pitty money, it’s bad enough that I have to live with them but to take there money as well is just to much sometimes
Comments (1)
I thought you went on that trip to China...
And I know how you feel and I am going through that same thing and grrrr.
My thoughts are with you.